Sugar's Journal

Simpsonize me

2007-08-17T06:19:55Z

- liz

(i dunno where the black background came from :S it didnt save as black..)

Bleeding Waitress

2007-07-23T10:21:01Z

Bleeding waitress

Smiles politely

Speaks like sweet honey

Walks smoothly around chairs

Lights fade out her shadows

Dagger in her abdomen

The skin covers over the blade

Blood oozes out from the sides

Darkening a black uniform

Masquerading waitress

Compromising speech

Deceiving performance

Hiding in similarity

Woe to those who are forced to pretend, as all waitresses have to, becoming what the customers demand.. a hard job without recognition of it..

please make your comments known..

also should i have ... vote now..

as title "bleeding waitress" or "masqurading waitress"

"walks smoothly around chairs" OR "glides smoothly around chairs"

"dagger in her abdomen" OR "dagger in her" (i just dont want ppl asuming its in her heart or back)

update

2007-01-29T04:28:48Z

an update on Liz past...

Jacob from SA came to visit me in December, was crazy fun, from chilling at my place to goofing around the city hehe. We went to pancakes on the rocks and walked across the bridge and scared a few people. During his stay in sydney i also finally watched the first Lord of the Rings movie.. and i will eventually watch the rest..

I went to Sophie's 18th for an hour.. she is awesome and i wish i could have stayed longer, but i managed to steal 2 beers from Tim that night hehe and then i went to all night prayer at church for the first time, which i heard was really good, but i was the only person my age.. nearest to me were two 8 year olds and some adults in their 30s or older.. and hardly anyone from my church were there.. is a combine church thing for anyone in sydney.. so there were baptists and anglicans and... um others.. i duno lol

Christmas is over-rated! i spent half the day with mum and the other half with dad. Dad has decided to sell the house and quit work, buy a bus and travel Australia... which will be pretty interesting if it actually happens.

New Years Eve! was grand! few close friends came over.. 8 in total i think.. we had a bbq, watched fireworks from the balcony, Mike the wonderful brought smoke machine, 80s music on turntable and uv/black light or whatever its called.. the light that makes white clothes look kool hehe. We had plenty of food and plenty to drink.. New Years! after waking up still tipsy from that night, after everyone went home, i helped Mike move big church roof tiles! which was thrillingly fun, hard work is good stuff! He accused me of being a man because i like blue and i hate pink.. but see i have proof of being a girl.. i hate spiders and their webs and any other creepy lil creatures.. they should all die! *stab*

Mum and myself took two american friends around the city, went in by rivercat, always good fun but got fried by the sun. If you have never been to Pancakes on the Rocks you are missing out and the toilets at the Opera house are kool :P

The wonderful Mike then had his birthday at pancakes and that was a fun night.. i was hypo on cinnamon eclipse mints on the bus to the city.. and then when we everyone (14 in all) was there and we got our table i realised for the first time there is alcohol served and on the menu which is really odd for me not to have realised earlier lol so i shared a girly drink with hilary. Mike also dared me to eat a whole slice of pizza in two mouth fulls. which i naturally tried and just managed to do.. but i never want to see those photos lol! half the table was either watching me stunned, laughing or quietly egging me on including mikes dad lol heh according to mike it just proves i have a big mouth *rolls eyes* i think im talented! my new awesome hat which i bought after getting sunburnt really badly on the rivercat, that i wear everywhere now (yes i actually wear hats now!! or at least this one) anyways.. the hat was passed around and most people got a picture in it.. hehe i have good taste! then hilz rowan and i managed to miss the last bus home so we caught a train at 1am good times good times

Australia Day! i trained it down to woollongong.. 3 hours cause it was public holiday! hung out with my peeps down there. listened to tripple J hottest 100 for 2006 and had a bbq and i tried a new beer.. then after 4 hours i got a lift back by a new found friend who happens to live 15min away from me so that was goood! then i went to all night prayer again, which turned out to be totally awesome this time, more people!

well i think that will do.. of course there is more incidents i could have shared, but meh to you all.. talk to me instead! hope yas didnt fall asleep reading it all hehehe and trees are sexy and whoever says otherwise are liers!

take care, peace all! hehe until next time..

Hornsby Outing Photos 2

2006-06-22T05:11:58Z

hornsby outing photos part 2
now we were in the chinese restaurant..

hilary joined us just before we went to dinner.. so here she is!

mike bored, we are all waiting to order

hilz n me waitin to order too... i was cold by this point n now im wearin mikes school jersy thing.. isnt he so nice hehe

mike hilz n liz.. you'll see why were are laughing in a sec..

mikey was bored too.. its a prawn cracker.. but looks like his tongue has gone weird..

mike and his prawn cracker

mike n mikey (by this time we were sitting down and eating)

mikey eating

me trying to eat.. but laughing.. as per usual..

mike pretending to eat... its his left over soup with napkins etc in it.. fully gross

/ end of chinese restaurent photos and end off all photos altogether.. there was no photos taken in the car, at the movies or at Mikey's place.. also.. Simon was there from the beginning.. he was the photographer and missed out on getting his photo taken..
hope you like em everyone.. sorry its taken me so long to finally get up

Hornsby Outing Photos

2006-06-22T03:45:07Z

pictures from the hornsby outing are finally here
we met at lisgar gardens...

mike (Mike Panich, ill call the other mikey)

myself

waterfall at Lisgar Gardens

some random thing..?

bush at Lisgar Gardens

walking in Lisgar Gardens.. seriously, this placed tucked away outa no where.. at the end of a no through road.. is so pretty!

mikey (Mike Edwards) and me, and no, it wasnt night at all... at this stage

mike, mikey and me

mike trying to make it look like he was washing his hair in the waterfall.. photo obviously didnt turn out as hoped

/ end of lisgar photos.. then we moved to hornsby park...

me mikey and mike at hornsby park..
notice: mikey's awesome yellow socks, UNO cards, my top (i called it icecream.. doesnt it look like icecream colours??), the little plate in the middle has mini muffins on it.. the boys loved it lol, and yeh thats it i think..

mikey and mike.. doing ti-chi??

sunset at hornsby park

water feature

i thought ild just post 2/7 photos of the frizbi.. sorry guys :P

and the frizbi again..

/ of hornsby park photos.. next we went to get chinese..

Hornsby Outing

2006-05-30T09:48:45Z

well well well... here is the news from the last outing..
for a change, i thought ild get Mike Edwards to tell us about it.. im sure he'll be more interesting to read...

Mike says:

Weeeeelll hooowwdi dooodie! (in midwest American) or just Gday in aussie!

Saturday marked the 100th anniversary of something, and you know what else happened? it was an outing in Hornsby! Mike Panich, Simon and Liz went to Lisgar Gardens in Hornsby when Mike Edwards (the wacky author) turned up at 3.30 in my work clothes from Friday...thats another storey!

anyway! so Lisgar Gardens is a tranquil place! very peaceful and nice! its known as Hornsby's secret gardens! its pretty steep so there are many stairs down the cliff to the gardens. anyway, i met the guys in the little gazebo where we chatted for a while, and i met Mike Panich for the first time. Those of you who have met him will agree that hes a top bloke! Top coin he is! Poor ol Liz was shivering so we decided to go for a brisk stroll through the gardens to warm up..and for something to do! Since i like plants and gardening, I was looking at leaves and plants and stuff and Mike (Panich) said i had the right idea to be walking slowly through the gardens! he was barefoot! There was a funky waterfall down there, and it was so natual looking but when one listened closely, you could hear the motor for the pump which in Mike Panich's words, destroyed the experience!

There was a wedding down there too! and everytime we turned a corner on the path...there was the bride... a beautiful fine one too which im sure everyone else would agree. The dress that is... heheh

After that we went up to Hornsby Park and played Uno for a while. Liz had little muffins for us all.. 2 each.. and then she was teaching us spanish uno...stupid me had a cough so every time 7 was on top of the deck...i had to pick up a card caz i would make a noise!! anyway so that was fun! Hilz turned up then at 5pm and we played another game of spanish uno! then we were cold so we decided to get some dinner!

Dinner was at the Cheffs Noodle in Hornsby. its a little chinese take away which is awesome.. in my opinion.. they cook the food all fresh in front of you and within about 1 minute of ordering..you have your meal in your hands!! and it was very tasty!!

I had a seafood laksa of which we all contributed to remaking at the end...there was heaps of juice left so we stuffed serviettes into it and scraps and goodness knows what else.. it looked like i was doing the washing by a river in india!

then we 'hopped in my Chrysler..its as big as a whale..and its about to set sail' hahha for you 80s fans, you will have realised thats a line from Love Shack by the B52s!!! yea we went for a cruise down Galston Gorge around the hairpin bends and all....fun fun!! then we came back and went and saw a movie at the motion picture department of Westfeild Hornsby. we saw the Benchwarmers which was a hillariously stupid movie!

After that we OH! no THIS is when we went for the drive to Galston!! then came back to my place and played Name that tune - an 80s music trivia game and then Who wants to be a millionaire. both very fun and many laughs!

at 10.30ish, i drove ya'll back to the station and home respectively. Liz decided that after dropping Hilz off at home that she had left her wallet at Hilz' place, so u-turn time...back we went!

On my way home, i took a wrong turn and ended up at the UWS campus at Parramatta!! wooops!! so i didnt get home till 11.30!!!

a fun night by all considering there were only 5 of us who were there!! and oh my gosh! you will never guess what else happened.....(if you want to find out....get yaself along next time!!)

Keep on truckin!

Mikeymouse- AKA Mike E

Back to Liz says:

well there you have it, hope you guys enjoyed reading it..
take care Lovliz
ps: photos will be up soon

More Coogee Photos!

2006-05-06T03:52:04Z

More lovely photos

THE WHOLE BUNCH

Coogee water

Michelle, Hilz and me

ruuuuuun!

Laurent, Mike n me

Hilz and Michelle

Mike and Laurent jumping off... (dw there is a low rock behind lol)

we had a scare when Laurent and Mike almost fell.. hehe j/k

shadows

everyone.. cept simon who is taking the pic

Laurent, Amy, Me and Hilz up the climbing thing in the kids playground

Mike and Simon doing the same

just want to thank both Hilary and Simon for taking these photos!

well thats all im gona post on live journal.. thats 22 posted out of 50.. if you REALLY need to see the rest they are here --> http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v513/5ugar/

Coogee photos!!!!

2006-05-06T03:14:34Z

Here are the photos! (first 10)

You can see part of 'XBOX 360'

me and Simon

Hilz, Amy and Michelle

Laurent, Simon and Dave

Laurent

Amy and Michelle

Mike

Amy and me

Dave

Hilz n Mike

Coogee!

2006-05-06T01:41:11Z

Coogee!

saturday 22nd April.. many people were invited they included: Michelle, Mike, Mike, Dave, Laurent and Amy, Simon, Sarah, Adrock, John, Jamie, Sophie, Sanna, Drake, Ian and Gaby, Nikhil, Narelle, Joanne, Tim, Tim, Richard, Josh.

in the end there was 8 of us. It was 4 girls, Me, Hilary, Michelle, and Amy who is Laurents gf. And 4 guys, Laurent, Dave, Mike and Simon who is Dumsum from chapel. this is how the day unfolded...

( ...what happened... )
Hilary and I got up early and caught a 9 o'clock train to central, then caught a bus to Coogee beach.. there were many people on the bus, and many people from all over heading to the beach too.. not to join us at our BBQ but for a microsoft thingy..

we hadn't been there too long when Laurent and Amy turned up.. It was great to meet Amy.. she is so lovely. They minded everything so Hilz and I could go buy some fresh bread rolls, and on the way, we saw Simon... Simon is kool. He had walked down from UNSW, so after buying the bread we went back.. we still had to wait a little while before everyone else would turn up so, the patient Laurent and Amy watched our stuff, while Hilz, Simon and i went for a walk along the beach.. curious of what the Microsoft thingy is.. this is what we found out..

It was a world record attempt of the biggest water balloon fight.. i think it was almost 3,000 people involved.. there were two teams.. green and grey.. the green people formed 'XBOX' and the grey people formed '360' it was promotional of course.. they stood or sat like that for hours.. then at the right time, they all ran towards the center, there was a 10m no mans land, they threw these big balloons filled with water at eachother.. lasted quite awhile.. maybe 3-5minutes.. it was very kool to watch.

When it was all finished we decided to see how laurent and amy were doing.. hehehe they were playin cards when we got back.. and fillin up on lollies lol. at about 12.. 12.30 or 12.45 i cant remember now.. but Mike and Michelle turned up with the meat! by that time we all were very hungry! Laurent and maybe mike and? started cooking the sausages, by the time they were cooked Dave who had just flown back down after visiting his parents finally turned up and we ate!

after finishing we dumped all our stuff in Laurents car and went for a walk along the beach and over the rocky cliff parts, hilz and i were mucking around and got our trousers wet a number of times lol then we walked back and then went on the childrens play equipment. Then exhausted from all the walkin and stuff, we sat down and chatted for abit, then when we decided it was time to go, we walked to laurents car, grabed our stuff and parted ways...

THE END! lol it was awesome fun, i could have told u all the funny things we did and stuff but itll take too long to write up.. but yas can just come next time! all you guys who went feel free to add to wat ive said..

if any of you guys see this and wana come n uld be able to make it one time, lemme kno ur email addy, and ill add u to the list of ppl i email..

Cammy!

2006-05-05T12:21:09Z

Cam visited Sydney from the Tuesday 18th April to thursday the 20th.

Tuesday mum, jess, her 2 guinea pigs and i picked cam up from the airport. Then cam put his luggage in the hotel and then came to my place, we had lunch and watched House, then... me n cam played backgammon and watched MASG with jess at the same time.. then me n cam.. dressed in formal stuff, inc me wearin stelleto heals.. walked to west ryde station from my place (half hours walk) dont ever do it! i got blisters sooo bad! i couldnt walk properly the next 2 days.. anyways, we picked up simon, and went into koorong, then went across the station.. got picked up by the police.. apparently you have to have a ticket just to be on the platform.. i thought u just needed a ticket to be on the train *shrugs* u learn a new thing every day! then we walked to a park n back and picked up Sara at the station.. then caught a bus to my place.. so i cud get changed.. lol coz we were all gona go play putt putt formal.. but then simon didnt want to.. so everyone who cud got changed into casual again lol. we played an awsum game of putt putt and then yeh we went our seperate ways.. unfortunately no photos of that day...

wednesday cam spend the day wif others..

thursday i went into the city and met simon and cam again.. we walked around quite abit.. went to a music store, then met up with Sarah Tilley.. and we walked to centerpoint tower then decided we didnt wana pay to go up so we walked to the pancake shop on the rocks.. my first time there and its super nice! i found out that Sarah knew people i knew and it was awsum kool to find out.. the world is really so small lol and after yummy chocolate pancakes we walked to circular quay.. Sarah said goodbye there and cam, simon and i walked to the botanical gardens.. we talked n stuff, simon n cam took lotsa pics of me.. i was the victom! lol then we walked n dropd simon of near his bus stop.. then i walked with cam to his hotel where he picked up his luggage, walked wif him to central station then i walked to town hall and caught a bus home..

yeh... :)

Photos time!

Simon and cam, nothing sus :P

Sarah

cams watch -> l337 and for those who dont know its geek leet stuff lol i duno exactly either

cam and Sarah

cam and me wif the harbour bridge behind us

circular quay water lol

me

Sarah and me

Sarah and me again

me

me again

me

5ugar @ 2006-04-13T06:56:00

2006-04-13T09:01:05Z

heres some more random photos!

the lovely debs and i

simon and dave

my passiton group

at first look it looks like my sisters back.. but is it?

hilz bowling

my sister jess on the left and 2 of her crazy friends hehe they kool

Brett, Dave and Ian, some of my lovely nerd friends! hehe :)

the pictures from bowling

2006-03-30T06:36:20Z

here are all the pics from, bowling... sorry its taken so long!

eating pizza at the park

michelle wearing the hat

hilz wearing the hat

me (liz) wearing the hat also (bahahaha dont i look big in that pic!)

mike picked on me ALL night, this is proof! teasing how i shrug... i shrug kool ok!

laurent, mike and dave, their crazy picture

hilz and michelle

laurent and mike

you cant see it but the screen for ordering pizza, as our name it says 'bob with cheese' we blame it on laurent and mike who thought it was hilarious...

all of us! me, michelle and hilz on the front row and mike, dave and half of laurents head in the back row..

mike on the phone to his gf, laurent decided to take a pic... suprse!

Bowling!

2006-03-20T06:27:39Z

Bowling!
well well i havnt updated or been on LJ for agez..
but im updating only for the purpose to tell everyone how much saturday night was!

saturday 18th march.. many people around syd area were invited, they were either my friends or Hilary's (my best friend) friends... lol
they include: Michelle, Mike, Dave, Laurent, Simon, Adrock, Sophie, Sanna, Ian and Gaby, Nickil, Nick, Tim and Josh. i still duno if Drake got told :P

in the end there was only 6 of us, but we had tonns of fun! It was 3 girls, Me, Hilary and Michelle who is Hilary's friend from uni. And 3 guys, Laurent from wollongong, n chapel, Dave from chapel and Mike (mikeymouse) from chapel. this is how the night unfolded...

laurent drove up from wollongong, picked up Hilz and i and we went to Top Ryde Shopping Centre to "Wond-A-Bowl Top Ryde" 6pm, and we met michelle there (notice it was the guys who were late this time) so the 4 of us played the first game of ten pin bowling, which Laurent won (scores will be up at the end) during the game Mike turned up. we finished the first game at 6.40 and hilz michelle n i got sum lollies n fizzy drink, always good to hype up alil. at 6.50 laurent and i left to go to west ryde station to pick up dave. apparently mike, hilary and michelle were left to mind our lane with awful music to listen to, lol daves train came late so finally at 7.40 we picked up dave and were on our way back. the next game dave n mike were added, and mike got his name spelt michael but it only fit micha.. it was funny... it was a good game, i got an alright score, mike kept teasing me, we all really got into the game, and yeh we had so much fun we decided we'ld go 4 a third game lol mike was gettin bored coz he was gettin so many strikes n it was obvious he'ld win lol then we decided it was time for dinner!

well it took us awhile to find sumfin to eat, hilz n dave went in laurents car and michelle and i went in mikes, mike is the most hilarious person on the planet and kept michelle and i laughing constantly. well after sum road rage from mike at laurent we parked in a car park (after going in the exit and getting stares from a bunch of old ppl) not far from where we were in the first place to look at sum food places, which we all decided against and we got bak in the cars n drove to west ryde, walked around for abit and decided to just get pizza from dominos, by that time it was 10pm and we went to Anzac park not far away, it has lights there so yeh, not too many creeps around either, we ate 3 pizzas and played on the play equipment, they had the kool see-saw type thing that yeh i duno wat its calld, but it was kool! then laurent n i walked dave bak to the station 4min walk, unfortunatly dave was a lil um distant but i hope he had a good time anyways and then when we got bak we jus did stuff.. showed eachother our crazy walks.. started by me coz hilary likes my walk that i did at planetshakers and she decided to tell everyone about how they shouldnt get on my bad side or else they get tackled, but i dont have a bad side and i think she just wanted pity :P haha j/ks anyways we did more stuff but by 11.30 or 11.45 we decided we really should go home.. so we said bi to mike, then laurent droppd michelle n hilz off at hilz's place and then dropd me off at home and then drove himself bak to wollongong...

THE END! lol it was soooooooooo much fun, i cuda told u all the funny things we did and stuff but itll take too long to write up.. but yas can just come next time! mike, dave, michelle, laurent, hilz, feel free to reply and add to wat ive said..

i also have pictures but i gotta get em developed so ya gotta wait lol :P

if any of you guys see this and wana come n uld be able to make it one time, lemme kno ur email addy, and ill add u to the list of ppl i email..

and last but not least... here is the bowling results!

18th birthday party... listen up everyone!

2006-02-24T06:42:35Z

ok im turning 18 on friday 16th june, i should b having my party on sat the 17th of june.. its gona b a big party, and i wana invite ALL my friends... so, all of you are invited.. the only condition is that you have to have met me at least once b4.. if i dont kno u, u wont b allowd in.. so, if u wana come, plz let me kno.. i need to write a list, so let me know if u wanna come, u dont have to say definites now, but i need an idea.. its betta to b prepared 4 too many and get less than the otha way around..

if u have any questions feel free to ask..

i just wana add, i am a christian and so it wont be an overly crazy party,(meaning no drugs etc) but it will b fun, there will most likely be alcohol there, but i aint gettin drunk and ull hav to b over 18 to b able to get sum, there will b soft drink for those under 18. and if u get uncontrollable then ull b asked to leave, and also if u start a fight.. lol i duno wat else yas wana kno..

BTW people, im not gona rememba if ur comming if u randomly tell me on msgr, its not hard jus to write a lil reply, and if ur doing it as anonymous, then plz write ur name unlike Laurent hehe (*hug* u kno u rock anyways)

5ugar @ 2006-02-22T20:13:00

2006-02-22T09:18:49Z

well well well.. no replies at all.. *sigh* s'all good i guess..

tafe is crap, if i didnt want the the certificates so much i would quit like sum of the ppl are thinkin of doin.
Dave ends up havin stuff to do, so if simon doesnt wana bother, im stuck at home again by myself.. but at the same time.. i havnt even met simon yet.. and i wont have dave to hide behind when im shy.. *sigh*
House is on tonight! *so happy!* i have watchd 9 episodes of House in the last 3 days.. i got the last season on dvd hehehe love it! and yeh.. ppl wednesday 8.30-9.30 channel 10!

and yeh.. stuff is good

almost forgot...

2006-02-20T08:28:50Z

just to add.. my nail.. my nail that i slammed in a car door.. the same nail that would lift almost a centimeter high when dry, by yesterday it had lifted off till i cud flip it right over, just attached to the skin down the right side of the nail.. i had to rip it off.. absolutly killed.. but underneath looks even wickidly awsum lol.. so wonderfully weird!
and yeh.. just thought ild let yas kno about my nail :D ill hopefully hav sum pics up soon if they came out ok lol :D
take care!

am i worth it?

2006-02-20T08:12:28Z

AM I WORTH IT?
well i was chattin wif the greatest guy i kno, Chis in adelaide, and i asked him if he was eva gona send a letter bak to me, and we got onto talkin bout my bday and how he just desperatly wanted to get me sumfin.. i said a bookmark and he got upset, wanting to get me more.. i said i wasnt worth anyfin.. like i know in God im worth alot, but when it comes to recievin things im not very good at it, i jus like givin everyfin.. and as we talked, i ended up bawling coz i realised how hurt ild bin coz all my previous bfs neva really bought me anyfin.. like i didnt expect it, but they jus gave me the impression that i didnt deserve it, or i wasnt worth their money.. chis eventually convinced me to let him buy me a ring.. lol he knew if he tried without my permission then ild send it bak so he cud return it. but yeh i still feel bad about it all, if he does get it 4 me.. ill prob end up crying the whole week jus coz i dont think i deserve it.. i duno y its so painful for me to kno that mayb i am reali loved.. like it reali hurts.. *shrugs*

oh and my ring size is L! L for liz! :D

MY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY AWAY
well, i went to Terrigal, i stayed in a unit next to a beach.. actually it couldnt have been closer.. open the glass back slidin door and down a couple of steps and ur on the beach! so nice! it was a reali nice big unit! while i was there i watchd movies, playd card games like spanish uno, walked on the beach, swam in the waves, swam in the 'lagoon' lol awsum word lagoooooon bahahaha um.. ate, well the first day, i still barely ate anyfin, cept dinner was a bbq and i ate a number of sossages n stuff.. and the next day i ate a lil more than i had bin too. the sea air and swimmin etc really makes u hungry.. when wearin my swimmers i look super skinny, i was askd many questions from ppl i knew.. i also got majorly sunburnt, it was nice weather cept there was sum blue bottles lying around. i stayd up till 1.30, which is the earliest ild bin to bed in over a week..or more.. lol i got all lonely, depressed, missing friends (inc adrock)n stuff.. but then i read 5 chapters of deuteronomy, prayed etc went to bed feelin beta than i had in agez since then ive bin sleepin *almost* normally.. sorta ....anyways fun times..

HOUSE (the tv show)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0412142/quotes
bahahaha seiously im in love with House! the show is so awsum. and House's personality is so hot.. didnt i tell yas b4? im weird ok! anyways, go check it out, the quotes are actually hilarious!

SIMON AND DAVE
hehe i get to meet simon (for the first time) and dave on thursday! *so excitd!* we r gona get yummy ice cream and im gona hav gummy bears in mine :D and... no one else is allowed to come *glares at u all* lol

OLIVES
lol i re-tried olives last night.. decided i stil dont like em... lol i took a lil bite, spat it out, then when the taste got outa my mouth i took anotha bite and spat it out.. did it 4 times.. i think its the saltyness i liked but the rest i didnt... lol i askd mum if i cud jus lick her olives and she was like 'ew no way'! hehehehe im strange

mini holiday

2006-02-16T22:49:09Z

im going away from today 11am and come bak 2moz night, and then sunday is a busy day also coz we got 2 church services and i get a meetin inbetween too lol so i prob wont c most of yas till monday *hugs* ta ta!

guess wat? i ate 3/4 of a small bigmac meal at maccas yesterday, prob the most ives eaten in a day all week! hehehehe its funny coz i duno how im still functioning. anyways last night i was praying madly for many many ppl, for those who know chris (chripsy) and Kt (frog) please keep em in ur prayers as they are quite down atm. thx.. last night i went to our churches worship team practise, hehe i always go now, im not reali apart of em, but i come 4 the practises coz its fun to worship God just with the team, hehe yeh not many ppl are like me.

well ill catch u all later, have a great weekend! God bless!

unwell

2006-02-16T04:25:09Z

still not sleepin mucch, still hardly eatin.. mum chucked at total spaz at me last night coz i wouldnt eat when i wasnt hungry.. uno i reali duno how im alive and doing stuff.. usually i have to eat big just to be able to have enough energy to do things.. like i can eat a whole pizza on my own in one sitting, usually if i dont eat as soon as i get up im sick throwin up all day coz wif my fast matabalism (sp?) the food i eat for dinner is used up so im left wif no energy when i wake up. anyways im still alive and feeling good, cept every now and then i suddenly bcome dizy n i feel like throwin up, but its all good, i dun care

last night i spent another 2 hours solid just talking to God, nothing beta to do at that time, everyone else is usually sleepin.. but it was good, i enjoyed the time. wat else? um i missed early morning prayer cos i didnt wana push myself to b awake when i so badly needed to rest n sleep..

also im going away friday arvo to sat arvo or sumfin, dont ask me where i hav no idea.. and i dont reali care either.. and... i duno.. lol im still in a reali major giggly mood from last night.. sori all those who i pesterd last night, giggling and going crazy... but ya all love me :D dont ya :p

and 4 those of my friends who read my journal who dont belong to LJ i just wana say that u can reply, pick the anonamous (sp?) one, i made it so u cud do that :p use it or loose it hehehe j/k

anyways have a great night everyone! take care and God bless!

At Tafe

2006-02-15T03:51:11Z

ok im super bored! Im at tafe and we are like doing nothing! Last year accounting was all theory and totally full on, i loved it. This year its all on computers, but before we do accounting computing, we gotta do buisness computing and its basicly boring.. "this is how u open and close a program" and also sruff like word documents and spreedsheets, i did it all in computing in my elective subject in year 9 and 10, but even the students that didnt do it in skool, find it easy and so boring!

anyways.. hope you all had a great day yesterday, i kno i did, went to dinner with my friends and we had fun. still hardly sleeping or eating. it was embarresing not being able to eat much at the dinner too, but eh, its all good, last night i spent time wif God from 11pm-2.30am, so that was good, feeling much less stressd.

i better go now, gotta actually do something now.. cya!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

2006-02-14T03:03:25Z

decided ild try n update regulary again.. hehe try...

cant sleep or eat much still.. but i dont really feel hungry or tired, so i guess its all good.. ive decided too that im pretty much ugly.. ive lost more weight unfortunatly, and when im lying down my tummy literally just sinks in, u can c bones n stuff too.. *shrugs* but its not like i can force myself to eat.. basically when im stressd or down or sick or worried i cant eat.. anyways enough about that..

4got to add yesterday my group on tuesdays Passiton is bak up n going, starts when skool is on, so this week is week 3.. in some ways is gettin beta, im learning wat r the best things to talk about.. but so far its bin so bad behavior wise.. i just cant control em, and we only eva get half of wat ive plannd done.. *sigh* i worry about em, but cant seem to help anymore.. so im attempting to change the way i do things..

um.. just for all those who wana kno my home sito, my dad still comes ova unannounced n wheneva he wants, (for those who dont kno mum askd dad to leave awhile ago coz of sum probs he has) they are in the middle of seperating stuff.. when they seperate the house ill b moving.. hoping in the next 2 months.. but atm ive blockd myself out of the whole thing, i dont talk to dad if i can find a way outa it, i keep myself busy.. the whole thing coz its taken so long has worn me down, and i just dont cope like i used to.. i just dont wana b apart of the mess anymore

2night me anda whole bunch of single women from my church are having dinner together, gona b awsum, i felt so great being invited, ill b the youngest at 17.. the oldest will prob b in her middle to late 30s.. should b awsum fun!

ill leave it here.. gettin long..
hope u all have a good day..
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! Remember God loves you all very much!
Love liz

too much happens!

2006-02-13T07:48:59Z

argh! my life is a mess, out of control, least it seems that way..

since i last updated my life has gone crazier.. i mean i was heaps depressed the remainder of the week, but felt wonderful again cept for a number of mishaps.. if i can call it that.. and other happenings....
like a huge fight thats still having its confusing effects on me even now, i wrote my first poem in agez, i did my first painting in agez, last youth group a bitch fight started between a visitor and a youth member, n it was the members fault, n will porb end up bashd in the near future, and im unable to do anything, God is showing me alot atm, he has shown me that i have the gift of compassion and intersession.. tho unfortunatly those gifts are pretty much overwelming me, causing me to get down or to crave to cut, but i am getting prayer n help, and soon it wont get me down, but ill be able to b a link between the hurting and God. ive been able to go to many meetings with elders n pastors in my church about helping the youth who go there, planning major outreach at a all girls public skool basically all by myself, bin having trouble sleeping n eating, bin doing quite abit of soul searching, asking God to shine his truth in my life so i can change, bin an interesting but hard journey, and it aint finishd lol wat else.. ive prob missed abit.. had a day just high on sugar lol its amazing how sugar affects me.. i dont remember stuff, next morning i wake up with major headache.. lol funny stuff.. um..yeh i duno... *hugs everyone* hehe i still love hugs!

my poem.. (my counciler is so happy about the fact my creative burnout has ended.. means more of my depression has gone, tho it may not sound it in my poem or drawing, but from my point of veiw its "liberating")

UNKNOWN
Screaming out 'do not touch'
Then why does it care so much
Reflection of the real me
But its under lock and key
You dont see whats in my heart
You cant tell wheres the mark

Can you get your way to my heart
You'll only know me in part
Complicated, passionate heatbeat
Many losses but never a defeat
You dont see whats in my heart
You cant tell wheres the mark

Secret comfort, secret pain
Lossing more than i gain
But love just gives a lil more
Scratches deeper than before
You dont see whats in my heart
You cant tell wheres the mark

But the unknown streaches further
Untouchable even by weapons of murder
I can be seen in many a light
But doesnt mean any of you are right (bcoz)
You dont see whats in my heart
You cant tell wheres the mark

and here is my painting, for those who cut or used to, please do not veiw this... it is of a nightmare, my counciler actually asked my to paint it.. ever since i did it, ive felt so good.. like set free almost.. weird..

and last but not least... Josh is the funnyest guy alive.. he is wonderful, trying to make me laugh.. but 4 those curious.. i am not "head over heals in love" with the dude, he just loves mocking me.. (dont u josh :P) anyways im laughing so its all good..
(ps: as some ppl will back me up on, ive made a promise i wont date again till in like 19 or after ywam anyways.. soo blah!) hehehehe

...continued

2006-01-27T06:31:18Z

early morning prayer has officially made me like a dead person walking!

im down, upset, n i jus wana die..

Nightmares explanation and how my dad fits into the picture

ok well i am gona leave some stuff out.. but the most important details ill put in the 'summery' tho itll b long im guessin.. im like that lol

ok for those who dont know, my dad doesnt live with me, mum asked him to leave...i dont remember.. but it seems like forever now.. and only like yesterday so.. anyways.. my dad has problems.. he is a nice guy, caring etc around others, (no one saw the seperation between my parents comming) ppl who worked closely wif my dad, like in finance at the church (my dads an accountant) n good mates could tell he had sumfin going wrong but didnt know the extent, but only my fam (mum me n jess(15, 2 years younger than me)) saw the full extent of his problems.. mainly anger and the need to control things.. bit of a perfectionist too.. (im a perfectionist, but not to the extent i impose it on others) anyways...

2001 -> i started year 7, and suddenly it was like my dad said in his head "oh no she is a teenager, she must b bad, must b picky n get angry etc" i duno, least it seems that way, like it was the biggining of tension.. not really noticable but yeh.. i was a goody2shoes n very naive in year7.. but being in an all girls skool where u have to constantly watch ur back.. yeh loads of hw etc too..
2002 -> year 8 are where my problems n dads problems begins to show.. basically its when my depression is first noticable (but only when looking back) i just listened to eminem all the time on my discman, on the bus, during breaks at skool, falling asleep etc, i almost started smoking but after attempting 3 times to get othas from skool to get sum 4 me i decided it wasnt worth the money etc.. mind u my parents knew nuffin.. and fights between my parents were noticable n becomming more regular, and yeh.. i also started having fights with my dad and by the end of year 8 it was almost every night.. full on screaming matches for hours.. when it was my parents me n jess stayed in our own bedrooms behind closed doors (dad didnt believe in locks and also closed doors, but when they were fighting he didnt care as much) we would put music loud.. anything to drown out the fighting, cry, wish we were anywhere else etc.. when my dad is angry he turns into a monster.. seriously he is so scary and unpredictable.. when i used to have fights if my dad it was really only the adrenaline that kept me shouting.. and when it ended n i was in my room i would b crying, shaking with fear.. lol mum didnt kno this, but when i told her the otha day she was like wow.. u r so brave to stand up when u were so afraid.. lol i duno how i did it either.. my sis was very quiet during those times, jess was dads favourite and so treated her nice, and so bcoz of that she didnt understand y i n mum always fought wif him, and so she hated esp for it.. the only reason y she sometimes wanted to run away coz of all the fightin.. but even now she barely blames dad for any of it. tho when it was jus mum n dad fightin ild hav to comfort jess, keep her outa the way so she didnt see or if possible hear anyfin..
when dad came home from work, i cud tell if he was mad or not just by how he opened the door with his keys.. otha times it was obvious coz he was swearin n slaming doors b4 he even got in the house.. i bcame very alert n observant all the time.. i feel very responcible for what happend and also for mum n jess, if they werent coping i had to make sure they did.. i kno its dads fault for his problems.. but i blame myself as the trigger.. wifout me it woulda bin alot more peaceful. anyways, that should do it..

so how does my dad have anything to do with my nightmares?
firstly after making a nightmares diary, writing each nightmare down and wat ild down the previous day.. we (the counciler n i)noticed that wheneva i had contact wif my dad, either he poped in out of the blue or called or wateva.. like even a fone call from my dad would set off a trigger for that night to have a nightmare..
well my nightmares had common themes..
something unpredictable happening like cyclone or volcano or a physco throwing knives, to me n those around me, ild have to rescue n help the people around me.. ild often get hurt in the process, ild always be able to see danger b4 anyone else.. adults if any around will either not see it or not care.. or ild be in a place by myself, in an uncomfortable place, like a dark room full of spiders n stuff.. the worst thing about them is that ild rememba em all in detail so they haunt me even during the day.. anyways, alot of those things i experienced when dad was around.. like yeh.. it is all symbolic of stuff or wateva..
this wat my counciler said: now when there is danger, ur thought process is not involved, it comes from the part near the back of your head, ur survival thingys.. 3 F's, fight, flight or freeze, its wat pumps the adrenaline.. to be able to do any one of those three.. my counciler thinks thats wat happened is during the fights n stuff, in the dangerous times, my body would b pumping adrenaline into me, but bcoz my dad was so unpredictable and also coz it happened so often, i stayed alert so much that i still had adrenaline pumping thru me, and at night it would make me have the nightmares.. playing senarios in my head, seeing what i would do in dif situations.. im also a majorly light sleeper for the same reason, i wake up if i here someone walking down the road.. its that bad..

anyways, so im pretty much screwd in life.. i dun think the problem will eva go away totally.. its not like i can neva talk to or see my dad again.. counciler rekons i can control it alil if dad is only allowed to ring or visit on certain days.. i mean take away the nightmares n it isnt such a bad thing.. im alert for anyfin that cud happen..

sleeeeeep!

2006-01-26T07:54:14Z

early morning prayer has officially taken all my energy!

i went to the councilers tuesday arvo.. came out shaken, nervous, upset n majorly depressed.. not what uld hope after going to a counciler, i mean it was good.. i kno now why i have my nightmares, but i had to think about stuff that ive tried to forget.. :(

Nightmares explanation

see for agez ive had nightmares.. for a while ild have like a min of 1 a night (everynight) to 5 a night.. it sorta didnt botha me that much, i shrugged it off.. but one night i got 10 nightmares in a row.. and i decided i beta talk to someone about it... basicaly ild have a nightmare, wake up all scared, (and i can always rememba each nightmare clearly as though it really happened) then coz im tired ill fall back to sleep and have another one or continue the dream ild woken up from.. ild often wake up in the morning really tired n stuff, so it was actually annoying.. also when i first started gettin em regulary (yr8 or 9, if i was still in skool ild b in yr12 now) ild often b afraid to go to sleep, ild stay up late coz when im really tired only then do i sleep alil deeper n the possibility of not remembering the nightmares is greater.. etc

anyways i told my counciler end of last year, just b4 chrissy n she told me to write a nightmares journal, recording each one and what happened that day etc... by doing that we could see a pattern in when and what kind of nightmares they were... in the end we (me n the counciler) realised it all linked to my dad... anyways ill tell the rest next time.. its sorta upsetin thinkin about it.. but if i dun talk about it, itll continue to haunt me.. so when im feelin beta...

bored

2006-01-24T02:12:56Z

well yesterday i did nuffin cept write a couple emails n check sum of chapel.. im way behind in all the internet happenings im usually apart of.. :(

today ive had a major headache, but im on anyways now coz im bored.. gotta c the counciler at 4pm.. bout my constant nightmares.. least i can say now i dont need her when it comes to my depression now.. tho my stress n anxiety (sp?) is still really bad.. my headache atm is from stress n stuff.. soo.... yeh..

lead early morning prayer again this morning.. it wasnt good like yesterday.. it was awsum.. lol tho im tired now eh